Dating after 40

Dating after 40 is way different than dating in your 20's or even 30's.  First, it's much harder to meet people.  In my 20's, it was easy to meet single people through friends, in a bar, at the beach, because there are still a lot of single people in their 20's.  In your 40's it's much more difficult to meet single people.  Of course there's online dating (which wasn't even around in my 20's) and I've met several people who had success going this route, I have not.  I have had more success meeting people through friends and most recently, through the studio where I teach (he's a keeper, but more on that at a later date).  No matter where or how you meet someone after 40, there are some things you need to know.  Ok, really just one thing, after 40, we ALL have baggage!  The only thing that varies is the type of baggage we carry.

I like to classify the baggage in 3 different categories.

  1. Carry-on baggage - these are people who have been divorced for many years and have worked through their issues (for the most part).  They may or may not have kids, their divorce was as amicable as it could be and they have a stable career.  These people are hard to come by but when you find one, it's like finding a unicorn.  You might want to hold on to this one.
  2. Checked baggage - these people definitely have kids, did not have an amicable divorce and were quick to jump into a relationship as soon as their divorce was final (or sooner).  They have done some work on themselves, they have come to terms with their ex-spouse and are able to communicate without too much screaming about the kids.  They have gotten their financial house in order or are on the upswing to doing so.  They most likely learned from their past mistakes and will take those lessons into a new relationship.  Be aware though that old patterns may rear their ugly head...proceed with caution.
  3. Steamer trunks - these are people who have not worked through any of their issues, and they have ALOT! They bad mouth their ex-spouse constantly, they are quick to start dating as soon as they are separated, but they'll tell you they're 'divorced'.  They are either very wounded and need constant reassurance or they're very self-absorbed...and need constant reassurance.  I'd avoid anyone with steamer trunks, but I know you won't listen so don't come crying to me when I turn out to be right.  You've been warned.

You can definitely have success dating after 40, you just have to decide how much baggage you're willing to deal with in the process.  


In a Word - Love

IMG_4006For the past 4 years, I have chosen a word of the year.  Or more accurately the word has chosen me.  Last year my word was TRUST.  I had to learn to trust myself again; trust my instincts; trust in other people; trust in the Universe; trust that I was on the right path.  Looking back at 2014, Trust was the perfect word.  I did learn to trust my instincts, I listened to my gut (or maybe they were my angels & guides, right Grace?!) and I made some necessary changes to put myself on the right path.  I moved to a place that has opened up my social circle to include people I probably never would have met.  I've become more involved coordinating events and bringing people together, which is something I had always done but had lost that part of me for awhile.  I feel like I'm back on track.  I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin and am trusting myself and my choices. This brings me to my word for 2015, LOVE!  Again, this word has chosen me.  For awhile I wanted the word to be Abundance but kept coming back to LOVE.  Doesn't it always come back to love though?  I ended my year trying to spread more love, to myself and to others.  I'm more meeting new people, trying new things, having new experiences, and most important, to finding LOVE...the romantic variety.  I am ready!  How do I know I'm ready?  Because I am really comfortable being single, I enjoy my own company, I have learned to love myself and I am taking care of myself - emotionally, financially and physically.  I don't NEED to have a partner in this life, I WANT one.  I know because I'm ready to receive love in my life.  I've been really good at giving love but found it harder to receive it.  I'm ready because I know I will choose only the best and am not willing to settle (any potential partner will choose only the best too).  I'm ready because I'm open.  Open to the possibilities, open to the disappointments, open to the good, open to the bad, and most important open to falling in love.

Yes, this will be the year of LOVE for me...and I hope for you too!