It's all about Choices

People often tell me that I'm lucky to be teaching Pilates and Coaching.  They tell me they're jealous of the freedom I have from a 9-5 corporate job.  I listen politely and then politely tell them it's all about choices.

Let me start from the beginning, I was born in...just kidding.  As a little girl, I dreamt of being a ballerina (who didn't) but at around 16 gave up that dream, I was not coordinated enough.  Around that time, we moved from a little town in Virginia to Northern Virginia, outside DC, the big city.  I got involved with Peer Counseling through a psychology class in my new high school, and decided that's what I wanted to do, be a therapist.  When I was selecting a major in college, there wasn't a hesitation.  Virginia Tech had a great BS in Psychology program but I knew I'd have to get a Masters to become a Therapist (now you'd need a PhD, I'm sure).  I loved my Psych classes and was excited to graduate and pursue my Masters.  

Then life smacked me in the face.  

One week after my graduation, my brother, John, was in a tragic car accident.  One week after that, he died.  My life was totally upended and any plans I may have had, were not even on my radar.  Life changed in an instant and what seemed important yesterday, didn't amount to a hill of beans.  I, along with the rest of my family, were in the throws of grief, which is a whole other conversation.  Needless to say, we were all in survival mode.  My future plans were no longer important.  Getting through each day, each moment, was my only focus.  I started working as a receptionist in the company were I worked through high school, it was a fairly simple job and it paid the bills.  

Fast forward a year, I decided to join my best friend on a backpacking trip in Europe so I quit the job and took off.  Looking back, this trip was a life changer!  During the trip, it was a whole lot of fun with some cultural experiences thrown in, and a few hot Italian boys too!  Upon my return, I took some temp jobs, worked in an insurance agency for a couple years and then received the call that would propel me to my next, or is it first real, career.  My old boss called to offer me a position in Personnel.  For you young kids, that's what they called Human Resources (HR) back in the day.  I started in an entry level position and worked my way up.  I loved HR because I was able to put my Psychology degree to work.  Early on it was more about paperwork and benefits but when I relocated to Pennsylvania and was able to shape an HR department from the beginning, that's where the fun started.  Working with employees to help with staff issues, counseling employees on performance and helping them navigate corporate life, that's what I loved.  I worked my way up to a Director position and loved what I did...until it became too corporate and HR no longer helped employees, it was back to paperwork and benefits.  Then I was done.  I made the choice to leave my high paying job, with great benefits to move to North Carolina and join the family business.

The family business was in New Home Construction and had absolutely nothing to do with HR, although I was able to use my experience when we had to select benefits and company policies.  I needed a change from the corporate grind so this seemed like a great choice.  Honestly, family business is hard.  You can't leave all your problems at the office, they tend to come home with you and can create family drama (more than usual)!  While I enjoyed the people I worked with and dealing with (most) homeowners, something was gnawing at me to pursue other avenues.  For awhile, I thought about going back to school to pursue my Master's in Psychology.  This was also around the time, I started thinking about Life Coaching.  Instead, I ended up enrolling in Pilates Teacher Training and going into the world of fitness.  It may seem like an odd choice, and for someone who was not very athletic growing up, it sort of came out of left field.  Now though, with over 5 years of teaching under my belt, looking back it makes perfect sense.  Working with people, one on one, and in classes too, I'm able to use my background in ways I never thought about back in college.  I often joke with clients that you get two for one when taking Pilates, you get a workout and a therapy session!  

Making the choice to leave the family business and start teaching has lead to all kinds of great things in my life.  Not only have I met some amazing people, a few who have become wonderful friends but I've also met my love (I'll share that story at some point).  Teaching has also lead me to the path of Life Coaching.  It is a natural fit for me.  If you had told me 30 years ago, when I was in college, that I would be where I am today, I would have thought you were crazy.  However, looking back now, I see it all makes perfect sense.  The choices I made along the way, have brought me to this point.  

  • Quitting my receptionist job to go to Europe
  • Taking a temp job when I returned.  
  • Going back to my old company for a job in Personnel
  • Moving to PA and taking a Corporate job in HR
  • Leaving the Corporate world to move to NC and join the family business
  • Leaving the family business to become a Pilates Instructor
  • Getting my Life Coaching certification and starting my business

Each step on the path were the building blocks to my current career.  

So when someone tells me how lucky I am to have the life I now do, I politely tell them, it's all about choices!



I'm trying to figure out when I started not caring about what other people think.  Maybe it was when I stopped looking for my parent's approval.  Maybe it was when I became comfortable with being alone and decided to stop online dating and let things happen organically (which they did by the way, but that's a story for another day).  Maybe it was when I turned  40 or 45 or last year. I'm not sure exactly when it happened but one day I decided the only opinion that truly matters is mine.  I stopped looking outside for answers.  I realized all of the answers were inside me.  I knew all along what I needed to do, I just needed to be quiet for long enough to listen.  So, maybe I realized all of this when I started my coaching training.  As part of the training we had to be coached as well as practice coaching.  It was during these sessions, that I came up with the answers I needed.  Someone else had to ask the right questions, but the answers were all mine.  

There's a sort of freedom with not worrying about what other people think.  Now that's not to say that I don't care what the people I love think.  Of course, I want to make sure I'm not doing or saying anything that would hurt them or make them stop loving me.  But worrying about how I look in public or filtering what I say so I don't offend some random person, that no longer concerns me.  

Also, along these same lines is accepting my appearance, being comfortable in my own skin.  Accepting the curves and bumps, the lines and wrinkles, the gray hair and random stray hairs.  As I approach 50, I am becoming more accepting of all of these things.  That's not to say, I don't worry about what I eat or slack off on working out but I realize I'm never going to be a size 4 again or weigh 125 pounds.  I'm in pretty good shape and eat fairly healthy, but I still enjoy my red wine and the occasional dessert.  

All of this is to say, self-acceptance is freeing.  When you stop worrying about everyone else's opinion, you have way more time to ENJOY this life!


Every January 1st seems like a clean slate, a day to begin new projects, set new intentions, perhaps begin a new career or set new goals.  

What do you want to Begin this year?  What changes do you want to make?  

Perhaps you have new fitness goals, new career goals or new relationship goals.  Perhaps you aren't sure what change you want or need to make.  Are you stuck and don't know how to move forward?  That's where I can help!

We can work together to discover the changes you want and need in your life.  Together we can get you unstuck and send you off on a new adventure.

Send me a message and we'll talk!  


Every January 1st seems like a clean slate, a day to begin new projects, set new intentions, perhaps begin a new career or set new goals.  

What do you want to Begin this year?  What changes do you want to make?  

Perhaps you have new fitness goals, new career goals or new relationship goals.  Perhaps you aren't sure what change you want or need to make.  Are you stuck and don't know how to move forward?  That's where I can help!

We can work together to discover the changes you want and need in your life.  Together we can get you unstuck and send you off on a new adventure.

Send me a message and we'll talk!  

Be Present - Life Coaching

img_7780 Many years ago, I thought about becoming a Life Coach.  Based on my background, degree in Psychology and years of working in corporate Human Resources, it seemed like a  natural fit for me.  I thought about it and wondered the next best steps, talked to friends and then put it on the back burner.  Meanwhile, I decided to get my Pilates certification and started teaching.  A year or so after completing that training, I thought again about Life Coaching.  I wondered if I really needed to get training or if it's something I could just do on my own.  I did a little research, talked to some friends who had been through different training programs and then promptly put it aside, again.  Then at the end of last year, I started to get serious about researching Coach training programs.  I listened in on information sessions and had settled on a program in the first part of this year.  I was scheduled to get a coaching session with one of their coaches and that was going to be the last step before signing up for their training.  Well, that coach never showed up for our call, not a good sign.  In the meantime, I received an email from another training program, Goal Imagery® Institute.  I sent an email inquiring about a phone meeting to discuss the program, and Marianna (who runs the program) responded within minutes.  We scheduled a call for the next day, Friday, with the next training session scheduled for the following Thursday!  After an hour long conversation, I was convinced and signed up immediately!  Luckily, the class got pushed back a few weeks, so I could wrap my brain around embarking on this new venture.

After 6 months of comprehensive and practical training, I graduated from Goal Imagery® Institute as an Holistic Life, Career & Executive Certified Coach.  I am so excited to be on this journey and partnering with clients to maximize their personal and professional potential.

I will be launching a website soon for Be Present Coaching, so be on the lookout. I decided on this name, because to be a good coach, you must LISTEN and BE PRESENT in each moment.  I'm really looking forward to working with many different people from all walks of life.  If you or anyone you know, is interested in coaching, please comment here or send me a message.  I would LOVE to work with you.

If you're still not sure about coaching, here is a great explanation from ICF...

“Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives. Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has.” International Coach Federation (ICF)

Out of the Shadows

IMG_6674This photo of Allie starting longingly outside sums up how I was feeling this winter.  Wanting to be outside but yet needing my solitude.  Wanting to hide yet to be seen.  It was a contradiction on so many levels.  I wanted to start dating again but didn't want make to much of an effort.  Then when Spring came, something shifted, I wanted to get out and play more.  So I started the online dating again, started hanging out with friends more, started walking and getting outside more and feeling social again.  Then Summer showed up and I felt like hiding again.  Not that I didn't want to be outside or with friends, but I got discouraged with the online dating.  I saw two ex-boyfriends that got me thinking about my choices in life.  So I went into reflection mode, although I do that all the time, somehow it felt different this time.  I unsubscribed to the dating sites, I stopped dating anyone and cleared out my social calendar.  I sat by the pool by myself, avoiding the social activity happening on the other side.  I needed my solitude.  This past holiday weekend though, I went down to the pool and actually felt social.  I met new neighbors, I reconnected with some old neighbors, one even told me he was happy I was out of hiding, and I really enjoyed myself.  I even met some single neighbors, so we'll see what happens there.  I feel more open to possibilities, more open to life, and more open to love... Then yesterday, I had a past life reading which was fascinating to say the least.  And if you don't believe in that stuff, that's cool, but I do and so am totally blown away.  I'm still reflecting on all of it...a Revolutionary War soldier (for the British), a French courtesan...all had interesting lessons.  The first life was the most incredible though and that is the woman I have been working to reclaim, without even knowing it!  I'm not going to share too much about her but just knowing that she was a strong, intuitive, secure Elder woman who was an equal with the men in her tribe, well that gives me an inner strength.  She was a storyteller too which of course has me thinking more about my writing.  The more I reflect on her, the more I see myself coming out of the shadows and reclaiming that part of me.  I feel like I've been hiding too's definitely time to let go of the fear, trust myself and live THIS life to the fullest.


49 Lessons Learned by 49

FullSizeRenderI turn 49 today and quite honestly that number is so strange to me.  My mother is supposed to be 49, not me!  I sure don't feel it and most people tell me I don't look it either, whatever that means.  As I reflect on the last 49 years (ok, really the last year), I think about all of the things I've learned.  Some lessons have taken a lot longer than others!

  1. BE PRESENT!  Enjoy each moment.
  2. You need to learn to be happy being alone, before you can be with anyone else.
  3. Do not expect anyone else to make you happy, it's an inside job.
  4. People aregoing to judge you and it's none of your business (one of my favorite quotes ever)!
  5. You are never too old to learn something new or change your career path.
  6. You must be honest with yourself in order to be honest with anyone else.
  7. You must deal with sorrow in order to know JOY.
  8. Dating in your 40's is HARD!
  9. Do not make someone a priority if you're only an afterthought (not the exact quote but still another favorite).
  10. Do not settle for anything that does not fulfill you.
  11. It is way better to be alone than lonely in a relationship.
  12. In a relationship, don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
  13. realistic about relationships...they're not easy!
  14. Be kind to yourself.
  15. Don't ever say anything to yourself that is demeaning or wouldn't say it to someone else, would you?
  16. REMEMBER...You are doing the best you can with what you know at any given moment.
  17. Dance whenever you feel like it!  Ask my classes, I dance all the time!
  18. Sing at the top of your your sound great!
  19. Listen to music, as loudly as you want, until your neighbors complain.
  20. Accept people where they are, not where you 'think' they should be.
  21. Accept Yourself where you are too!
  22. Learn from your past but don't dwell in it.
  23. Have FUN with whatever you do, even cleaning the house...yeah I still don't do this one!
  24. Nurture your friendships.
  25. Express gratitude every day.
  26. Light candles for no reason.
  27. Celebrate the people in your life.
  28. LAUGH loudly and often.
  29. SMILE at everyone you meet, you may change their day.
  30. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them, even strangers.
  31. Don't judge other people, you have no idea what is going on in behind closed doors.
  32. Keep your body and mind active.
  33. But some days, chill on your couch and binge watch Netflix.
  34. Jump in puddles barefoot; don't ruin your nice shoes.
  35. Buy nice shoes, you are on your feet all day and your feet will thank you.
  36. Get massages, facials, pedicures, deserve it.
  37. Change the oil in your car regularly.
  38. It's not the end of the world, if your house isn't clean or the laundry isn't done before you go have some fun.  It will all be there tomorrow.
  39. Experiences are more important than stuff.
  40. Your thoughts DO effect how you feel.
  41. You have to create the abundance in your life.
  42. No one can FIX your issues, you have to do it yourself.
  43. Movers exist for a reason, hire them.
  44. Don't have expectations of anyone else - this is a hard one!
  45. Life is too short sometimes but then in other ways, really long!
  46. Pets are family members, period.
  47. Loss is part of life but it really sucks.
  48. No matter how long someone has been gone, you'll always miss them.
  49. Life is a PRACTICE.

So here I am entering my 50th year on this planet and while I've learned so much, I know there is so much more to learn.  I look forward to the new lessons yet to come.  And I would love to hear some of your life lessons!

In a Word - Love

IMG_4006For the past 4 years, I have chosen a word of the year.  Or more accurately the word has chosen me.  Last year my word was TRUST.  I had to learn to trust myself again; trust my instincts; trust in other people; trust in the Universe; trust that I was on the right path.  Looking back at 2014, Trust was the perfect word.  I did learn to trust my instincts, I listened to my gut (or maybe they were my angels & guides, right Grace?!) and I made some necessary changes to put myself on the right path.  I moved to a place that has opened up my social circle to include people I probably never would have met.  I've become more involved coordinating events and bringing people together, which is something I had always done but had lost that part of me for awhile.  I feel like I'm back on track.  I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin and am trusting myself and my choices. This brings me to my word for 2015, LOVE!  Again, this word has chosen me.  For awhile I wanted the word to be Abundance but kept coming back to LOVE.  Doesn't it always come back to love though?  I ended my year trying to spread more love, to myself and to others.  I'm more meeting new people, trying new things, having new experiences, and most important, to finding LOVE...the romantic variety.  I am ready!  How do I know I'm ready?  Because I am really comfortable being single, I enjoy my own company, I have learned to love myself and I am taking care of myself - emotionally, financially and physically.  I don't NEED to have a partner in this life, I WANT one.  I know because I'm ready to receive love in my life.  I've been really good at giving love but found it harder to receive it.  I'm ready because I know I will choose only the best and am not willing to settle (any potential partner will choose only the best too).  I'm ready because I'm open.  Open to the possibilities, open to the disappointments, open to the good, open to the bad, and most important open to falling in love.

Yes, this will be the year of LOVE for me...and I hope for you too!



photo When I wrote the draft of my last post, I had an introductory paragraph that explained why I was writing the post.  My lovely friend Amy edited my post and suggested I eliminate that paragraph or move it somewhere else in the post.  She thought it would be much more powerful to open with the line...I have herpes.  I got a huge lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach but I edited the post and hit publish before I could overthink it.  However, when I shared on Facebook, I did alter the way I shared it.  I was still nervous about having the first sentence show up in my FB feed.  A minute later, I changed my mind.  I knew that if I was going to be vulnerable and not care what other people thought I needed to put it all out there.  But when I went back to FB, I was already getting comments and they were AMAZING!  I actually started crying...happy tears.  The comments were so supportive and encouraging.  I'm not sure what I was expecting but I was blown away by everyone who took the time to comment on my FB post and my blog.  Then there was the email I received from the student who gave me the extra push I needed, after reading my post...

That's awesome to hear! Thanks so much for your reply back. I went to your site and read your latest blog. Wow. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to post, but I think that you did a very honest, a very brave, and a very important thing. Not just for you, but for others as well. I hope that it has lifted a weight off of you, and I hope that it will help you to open up, as well as reciprocate.

Thanks so much for writing and for sharing the Safe Sex guide! I really enjoy your blog, and you have a wonderful talent as a writer. Good things will come from this. Best of luck with everything in your future.

I also received many private messages from other people who have dealt with the stigma of herpes.  They shared how they were ashamed and weren't putting themselves out there for fear of the reaction from a potential partner.  I had conversations about other "shameful" things people have done or experienced.  It was as if the clouds had parted and the light was shining in.  People who felt they couldn't share with anyone, could now share and I imagine it lessened their fear, made them feel less alone, and that they didn't feel like they needed to hide in the shadows anymore.  This is what I hope they felt by telling me their story.

My wish is that we can all continue to share our stories without worrying about what anyone else thinks.  We can let the light in, be honest with each other and support each other...hold each other up.  That is my wish for all of us.

"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen


Some Days...

photo Some days...

  • the road seems long with no end in sight and then you remember, there is no destination, just the journey
  • you get a phone call with news that someone you love is in the hospital, side effects from chemo forcing her to bed rest...and you can't quite process it all
  • you get a sudden wave of sadness thinking about a lost love, even though you've moved forward, at least you think you have
  • you watch the news and your heart hurts from seeing all the pain in the world and yet you still think love is the answer
  • the clouds roll in and as hard as you try you can't outrun the rain
  • your mind tells you tears need to fall and yet they don't seem to come
  • you get complimented on your teaching and it makes the long days totally worth every second
  • you push through the day with little sleep but plenty of energy then the next day you get plenty of sleep but can barely make it through the day
  • you focus a little too much on the scale and not enough on how healthy and strong you are
  • you are so grateful that you didn't have surgery because now your back feels great
  • you realize you are so lucky to have this life.



IMG_2335 Every year, for the past several, I have selected a guiding word for that year.  Some years it takes a lot of time and thought to select my word.  For 2014, the word actually came to me at the end of 2013.  TRUST became a big issue for me after my breakup and is my guiding word moving forward.  This year has already tested my trust.

*Trust in my instincts and my choices.

*Trust in other people.

*Trust in the Universe, Divine Order, my Angels and Guides

*Trust that its ok to let go and let other people help.

*Trust that everything is going to work out as it is supposed to.

*Trust that I'll find the strength when needed.

*Trust that this is temporary.

Where has Summer Gone?

IMG_1402 Its the end of July and I'm sitting here pondering what I've been up to since my last blog post.

I've been working, of course...teaching Pilates and now TRX...and I really love working with our amazing clients every day.

I've spent a few days at the beach with family that I only see once a year at the beach...we need to do something about that!

I've gone for a motorcycle ride just to get ice cream in the country.

I've been eating out and enjoying alot of wine...and its evident on my waist line!  At least its good wine...and good company!

I've been falling more and more in love with my boyfriend every day.  The more time we spend together, the more I want to spend together.  Oh don't get me wrong, we are still navigating this relationship thing and the challenges that come with it but I couldn't ask for a better man to help navigate.

I've been paying attention to the signs.  Like when "Freebird" plays at the exact moment I'm on the verge of getting upset about something...its my brother reminding me to chill the "F" out and let it go!  And he's really been sending me the signs lately.  There's the feather I found on the beach after taking our family photo...a sign from either my brother or grandmother reminding us that they are there.  I love getting these little messages.

I've been 'voxing' with my girlfriends and getting to know them even better.  If you haven't checked out Voxer Walkie-Talkie (iphone app) it...its an awesome way to keep in touch with your friends especially if they are spread out all over the country!

I've been spending more time BEing in the moment instead of trying to keep busy DOing things.  As my boyfriend wisely said one lazy weekend...we need to spend more time being and less time doing.  Its kind of sticking with me.

So what have you been up to this summer?

Leaning In

Sailboats on Jordan Lake, NC taken from a helicopter On Sunday, I went for my first ride on a motorcycle (and helicopter for that matter) in a very, very long time.  As we went around curves in the road or made a turn, I didn't even think about it, my body just leaned into it.  Because that's what you do on a motorcycle, you lean into the turns and the curves.

I keep thinking about how I can embrace this in my life.  Lean into it, instead of fighting it or doing things that I think I 'should' or 'should not' be doing.  See how it feels to Lean In, to embrace THIS life in THIS moment.  Don't look too far into the future or back into this past.  BE in the moment and lean into it.

On Being Alone

IMG_0710 Most days I enjoy being alone.  I like coming home to a quiet house, well except for one very whiny cat.  I can eat the almond butter out of the jar without worrying about double dipping.  There is no one home waiting for me so I don't have to check in with anyone if I'm going to be late.

And yet, I miss having someone to check in with if I'm going to be late.  I miss coming home and having someone to share my day with and to hear about theirs.  I love my quiet Sunday mornings but they would be more enjoyable with someone here to share coffee and read the paper side by side.

If you've been reading lately, you know I decided to do the whole online thing to get back out into the dating world.  I have since decided to deactivate my online profile.  It was beginning to feel a bit 'yucky', for lack of a better word.  I may go back to it but for now, I'm taking a break.  I was beginning to see old patterns emerge, feeling a bit like I was desperately seeking someone.

So for now, I will come home to a whiny cat, eat my almond butter straight out of the jar and enjoy by Sunday coffee and paper solo.  I know I will meet will happen at the right time...until then, I am just fine being alone.

Word of the Year - PLAY

Play Yes its February and I'm just now sharing my Word of the Year.  But it seems appropriate to do so now since I received my word bracelet from Kolleen yesterday and I was reminded why I chose this word.

I grew up a little too fast.  My parents divorced when I was 13 and when my mom went to work I took care of my little brother.  My mom would probably argue that it wasn't my responsibility and she never asked me to do it but I somehow felt the need to take on that role.  And my brother would always say to me..."you're not my mother".  I was always a pretty cautious person, still am, and I don't like to "break the rules".  When there's a sign that says stay off the grass...I wouldn't dare step on the grass.  And break a law...would never even consider it!

Last year, my word was EASE.  And even though the year had some challenges, I dealt with a sense of ease.  So this year I needed to shake things up a bit.  I need more Fun and more Joy in my life.  I decided that Play encompassed all of these.

Play to me, means to lighten up more, have fun, try things I might not normally try, let loose a bit.  So with that in mind, I joined a dating site, I bought a hula hoop (which I still have not learned to use) and I vowed to say yes to more play.

Ah yes, the dating site.  In several previous posts I stated that I would probably not be writing about dating stories because I met someone who sparked my interest.  Well, as quickly as that began it has since ended.  There are several reasons but needless to say I am back into the dating pool and we shall see what happens.  So I may be sharing some fun dating stories after all.

I also hope to be sharing more PLAY-ful posts.

Did you choose a word of the year?  Care to share?

Swirling Energy

Over the last few weeks, I had a horrible pain in my left leg.  I could not figure out the origin point.  Acupuncture was helping for short periods of time but wasn't eliminating it completely.  A massage, however, did pinpoint the origin of was actually my sacrum that was way out of whack.  As I was laying on the massage table and feeling some relief, I thought about the sacral chakra and wondered if it had been blocked.  I don't know much about chakras except that they are energy centers in our body.  The sacral chakra is about feeling and sexuality and when the energy is flowing you are open to intimacy and passion.

Interesting timing.

The day after my massage, I had a first date.  I was unusually nervous that morning getting ready.  I couldn't stop shaking and I had no idea what was wrong with me.  I don't remember the last time I felt that way. So I headed off a bit early to meet my date...I just couldn't stay in the house any longer.

I'm not going to give you all the details of the date, just a few highlights.  We met at 1pm and parted ways around 9pm with plans already made to meet the next day.  We were both like giddy school kids.  The conversation was easy and the silences comfortable.  And the energy coursing through me never let up.  A brush of his hand against mine, and it just shot right through me.  That night I barely slept.  Logically none of it makes sense.  He says it magic and maybe that's it.

The next evening I talked to a friend who does energy work (he does more than that but its easier to say energy work) who explained that the energy I'm feeling is my chakras opening and the energy is flowing freely.  This immediately made sense to me especially after having my massage and thinking about my sacral chakra.  He gave me some great ideas on how to calm the energy enough to sleep, which helped immensely.

Now we're a couple days out from that first date and every time I get a text message or phone call, the energy intensifies...kind of like butterflies in your stomach but different.  I can't explain it and quite honestly I don't want to.  I'm getting used to this new way, this swirling energy, and I like this feeling.  I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying each moment.

I may not be writing much about the online dating world but I have a feeling I'm going to be writing about other more exciting things.  Stay tuned...

Back in the Swing...

IMG_0442 I have been way too quiet here.  I am planning to remedy that...if anyone is still reading.  I want, no, need to make a regular practice of writing so here goes.  A quick recap of the end of the year and then some things that are happening now.

During the holidays, well the month of December really, I went into a bit of a depression fueled by some anxiety that I didn't understand.  I was also in some physical pain and it got to the point that I just wanted to sit and cry all day.  Instead I decided to give acupuncture a try and it has made such a HUGE difference!  I am so grateful that it has helped me.  I think the holidays can be hard for alot of people and I wish I had written here during that time but I was deep in my muck.  Which, looking back, would have been the best time to write.

Now we're in the New Year...2013.  We're half way through January and I feel like I've made some significant shifts already.  I've been clearing out...literally cleaning out closets, getting rid of old stuff that I no longer wear or fits...still more to do but getting there slowly but surely.

I've also been clearing out emotional space.  I have let go of a couple of relationships that no longer serve me.  I didn't even realize they were taking up any emotional space until I let go and then felt a lightness.  Its amazing what we hold onto physically and emotionally without even realizing it.

Now on to the fun stuff.  One of my dear friends called me on a Thursday around 3pm, hopped on a plan and was here a mere 5 hours later.  We had a great visit and it made me realize I need to be more spontaneous.  She left on Sunday and Monday morning I signed up for an online dating site.  Just jumped right in.  What does one have to do with the other...oh it was a topic of conversation over the weekend so when she left I decided to just DO IT!

I have been pretty much alone the last 2 years and I feel like I've need that time to become comfortable alone.  I am now and I actually like being alone and am no longer in the space where I feel like I need a relationship but I would like to share time with someone. this technological age, I asked a couple of friends which site is working for them, and I signed up.  Its been an interesting process so far.  I've gone into this with no expectations which makes it so much easier.  There have been some pretty amusing emails, messages, etc.  I am thinking about a blog series about it...I just need to figure out how to share some of these messages without sharing too much personal information.

Well that's a longer post than I had planned but there's a lot to say.  I will be back with my word of the year and hopefully some great stories from the world of online dating.  Until then...tell me what you've been up to.  I've missed it here...hopefully you have too!

The Truth is...

While there have been subtle and not so subtle shifts in my life.  And while I am more comfortable in my own skin, the truth is...

There are some days when I don't work out

I still watch Days of Our Lives...just now on hulu

Sometimes dinner is the jar of almond butter with a spoon

I will leave clothes in the dryer and just pull them out as needed...for days (ok, weeks)

I'll leave dishes in the sink overnight or all day

While I try to be present in each moment, I do think about the past and wonder 'what if?'

Even though I enjoy my solitude, some nights I'd like to come home to someone who I can cuddle with on the couch, who is not my cat

Somedays its not 'all good'

I know that I can't fix things for you but dammit I really really wish I could

I'm not sure what my passion is and I'm really trying to figure that out

I spend more money than I make and sometimes it stresses me out but I don't normally let on that it does

Sometimes I curl up on the couch and watch tv for hours

And somedays, I don't leave my house, don't talk to anyone, don't even get out of my pjs.

The truth is not all sunshine and roses...sometimes its weeds and rain.  But I believe that it is all exactly as it is supposed to be...the good, the bad, the ugly.  The truth is...I don't think I'd change any bit of it.