Words Fail Me

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head.  Ideas for blog posts and my book and yet when I sit down to write, the words fail me.  I can't put coherent thoughts on the page.  So I write what I can and hope that eventually it will all come together.

In the meantime, more pictures of Allie.  She is just too friggin' cute!


Friends often marvel at how quickly I make changes in my life.  Whether it be getting a new hairstyle, which I do quite often, to buying a house in a week to jumping head first into a new relationship.  One minute I'm moving to Cali, the next I'm buying a house in NC.  One minute I'm making plans to travel cross country (which I still plan to d0) and the next I'm asking for ideas to set up an art studio in my detached garage.

I guess if you look at it you could say I'm flaky, indecisive, flighty, running, searching.  My father would say that I don't know what I want...to do with my life, be in my life...he would say I need to make a choice and stick with it.

Maybe I am always searching...to do more, to be more, to experience different things.  So last year I wanted to move to Cali, to be near my best friend and like minded souls.  This year I am buying a house in NC that needs some work.  I've always wanted to rehab a house and now is my chance to do that.

I often wonder why I do not have an aversion to change when I see so many others who really don't like it one bit.  Maybe its because of things that have happened in my life and it was just easier to embrace change than fight it.  I was talking to my brother the other day and he made the comment that I've been through a lot of crap in my life.  This isn't the first time someone has said that to me.  I often chuckle because I don't look at it that way.  Yes, my parents divorced when I was a teenager, yes we moved in the middle of high school, yes, I lost my brother way too young, yes, I went through a divorce, yes, I've moved quite a bit, changed careers, had other failed relationships...but honestly, who hasn't had a lot of crap in their lives.  I look at all of these things and see how they have shaped who I am today.  I don't wallow in the past, I look toward the future and try so very hard to live in the moment.

Maybe my life is an example of what 'not' to do...or maybe its to show that you don't have to make a choice and stick with it forever.  Its ok at age 43 to start training to teach pilates, buy a house that needs some tlc, dream of putting an art studio in your backyard.

Its ok to embrace change.


There's still time to enter the giveaway from my previous post.  I'll choose a winner on Thursday March 3rd after the home inspection results arrive...so enter by midnight on March 2nd.

New Home Please

Dear Universe,

I would like a new home.  One with a big front porch, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and lots of light.  I'd like a room where I can create.  I'd like it to be warm and cozy and  filled with lots of love (well I guess that one is up to me).  I'd like hardwood floors and granite countertops but those aren't deal breakers as I can always add them.  I would like a fireplace, gas or wood, but not electric ~ what's the point?  I don't mind if it needs to be updated, if the price is right.

Hmmmm, I'd also like a garage and a nice backyard.  Oh and if it could be in walking distance of a nice downtown area (Apex or Cary) that would be an added bonus.

I know this may be alot to ask but I've found that if you don't ask, you definitely don't get.  And last but not least, I need to find it before the end of March (and be able to move in to it by end of May) so I can give notice on my apartment.

Thank you so much for your assistance.  I look forward to finding this home very soon!

Yours truly,

Melissa P

Our Divine Courage, Freedom and Light!


We have not come here to take prisoners, But to surrender ever more deeply To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear, From anything That may not strengthen Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear, From anyone likely To put a sharp knife Into the sacred, tender vision Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend Those aspects of obedience That stand outside of our house And shout to our reason "O please, O please, Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply Our divine courage, freedom and Light!

~ Hafiz, from "The Gift"

Diverse Interests

  • Politics and art
  • Fashion and Economics
  • International affairs and local interests
  • Healthy living and being a couch potato
  • Watching stupid TV shows and listening to NPR

I've always been someone who wants to learn and experience everything.  I like listening to all different types of music from country to rock to classical to pop; watching good movies and bad tv; eating healthy and munching on chips; flipping through Glamour magazine and reading The Economist.

Some people may think I can't figure out what to do with my life so I'm constantly searching.  That may be true, but I just think I want to be an interesting well rounded person.  I may or may not be succeeding at that but I'm enjoying the learning.


I used to have to set goals in my previous job (which I always put off) but I've never been fond of setting them in my personal life.  For some reason, this year I want to write down my 'goals' for the year.  So I looked up 'goals' and the synonyms in the dictionary, I choose to call them Aspirations instead.  Goals sound so corporate to me.  Aspirations sound more dreamy and artsy.

My Aspirations for 2011

  • buy a house
  • finish my pilates training (600 hours is alot)
  • buy a Canned Ham
  • create something, anything, every week (every day is just too ambitious for me)
  • write the book on sibling grief (this one is going to be hard)
  • try, try, try to stay present (this one may be harder than the book)
  • read all the books on my nightstand (The Artist's Way, life is a verb, The Shadow Effect, Anam Cara, To Bless the Space Between Us, and Women Who Run with the Wolves) a bit of light reading don't ya think?
  • send more snail mail
  • spend more time by the Sea

This is not a 'must do' list, so I'm sure it will evolve over the year, some things getting done, others being pushed back or changed, new things added and some of them removed.  An ever evolving list of aspirations.

If you have a list of aspirations, goals, dreams....whatever you choose to call them....please feel free to share them here.


Since everyone is questioning canned ham...here is a canned ham...http://cosprings.craigslist.org/rvs/2114485676.html