7 Dates in 10 Days

IMG_0780 Yes you read the title correctly...7 dates in 10 days.  The title was suggested by my friend Charlie who said that I HAD to write about my dating adventures.  So here's the lowdown.  I've been having fun!

Yes, dating can be FUN!

I think its all about the expectations.  For the most part (I'll get back to that later), I have gone into this with very little expectation that anything will come of it all.  I needed to get back out and meet new people so that's what I've focused on.  And I have met some very nice, super interesting people.

Date 1 was an Opera singer in his early days, we slugged through the mud on a trail with his dog and learned more about each other.  Then sat for a couple of hours and had some really interesting conversation.

Date 2 was retired from the same industry I used to work in, construction, and was super nice but just didn't have too much to talk about.

Date 3 was a Scottish lad who was super smart and thought pretty highly of himself but again, very nice guy who was totally into his son who I could see he adored.

Date 4 was on Valentine's Day.  Talk about a recipe for disaster.  Instead it was the best date of the week, we laughed and talked for hours.  We've since had our second date, more on that below, and are working on our third when I return from CA.  Taking it slow and seeing where this goes...stay tuned

Date 5 was retired Navy who worked in Intelligence and travelled all over the world.  Another super nice, interesting guy and a total gentleman.

Date 6 was more of a get together with a couple friends who have wanted me to meet their neighbor for years.  The four of us drank alot of wine and laughed and talked and then I don't remember much else...it was A LOT of wine!  Another nice, very interesting guy but, I'm sure much to my friend's dismay, there wasn't really an attraction there*.

Date 7 was a Law Professor who got his Phd from Oxford, was a Rhodes scholar and really, really smart!  Very interesting conversation, what I understood of it, and super nice guy.

Then there is bonus date 8 which was with Valentine's day guy.  This is where expectations creeped in a bit...and the nervousness too.  What if the attraction that was there when we first met was all an illusion, what if we didn't have anything to talk about, what if???  As I said earlier we have a third date scheduled so those what if's were a non-issue.

There have been many messages on the dating site that I have not responded to because the notes did not seem genuine or more than one word.  It can be quite daunting to sort through the profiles that have some substance and those that lack detail.  I almost feel sorry for those people who aren't sure how to write a profile, have trouble expressing themselves and unsure how to reach out and have a meaningful conversation.

Over the past couple of days I've wondered if there was an opportunity to start a dating service for normal, every day people just looking to find love that was more personal than a dating site but way less expensive than a matchmaker.  Or maybe just to help people write their profile and coach them on how to compose an email that will get someone's interest and then how to behave on a date.  Maybe I'm crazy but I keep thinking about it.  What do you think?

So that's the latest on my dating adventures.  I'm pretty sure the first dates will slow down as I explore things with Valentine's Day guy (not ready to share any names at this point) and we'll see how things progress.

If anyone needs help navigating the dating world, let me know...I've got a little experience under my belt now!

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*since this post, I have spent alot of time with Bachelor #6 and the attraction grows more every day.  So I guess you need to give somethings a little more time...

Word of the Year - PLAY

Play Yes its February and I'm just now sharing my Word of the Year.  But it seems appropriate to do so now since I received my word bracelet from Kolleen yesterday and I was reminded why I chose this word.

I grew up a little too fast.  My parents divorced when I was 13 and when my mom went to work I took care of my little brother.  My mom would probably argue that it wasn't my responsibility and she never asked me to do it but I somehow felt the need to take on that role.  And my brother would always say to me..."you're not my mother".  I was always a pretty cautious person, still am, and I don't like to "break the rules".  When there's a sign that says stay off the grass...I wouldn't dare step on the grass.  And break a law...would never even consider it!

Last year, my word was EASE.  And even though the year had some challenges, I dealt with a sense of ease.  So this year I needed to shake things up a bit.  I need more Fun and more Joy in my life.  I decided that Play encompassed all of these.

Play to me, means to lighten up more, have fun, try things I might not normally try, let loose a bit.  So with that in mind, I joined a dating site, I bought a hula hoop (which I still have not learned to use) and I vowed to say yes to more play.

Ah yes, the dating site.  In several previous posts I stated that I would probably not be writing about dating stories because I met someone who sparked my interest.  Well, as quickly as that began it has since ended.  There are several reasons but needless to say I am back into the dating pool and we shall see what happens.  So I may be sharing some fun dating stories after all.

I also hope to be sharing more PLAY-ful posts.

Did you choose a word of the year?  Care to share?

Opening Up

IMG_4767 There is trust involved in opening up to someone new.  Letting them see the good and the bad.  Letting them know your hopes and fears and dreams.  Trying not to let your past influence your present.  Trying to be in the moment and not thinking too far ahead nor looking back at how things unfolded before.  Letting go of the fear of getting hurt or worse yet hurting them.  Keeping the fears at bay.

Opening up your heart to the possibilities.  Letting love in.

Swirling Energy

Over the last few weeks, I had a horrible pain in my left leg.  I could not figure out the origin point.  Acupuncture was helping for short periods of time but wasn't eliminating it completely.  A massage, however, did pinpoint the origin of pain...it was actually my sacrum that was way out of whack.  As I was laying on the massage table and feeling some relief, I thought about the sacral chakra and wondered if it had been blocked.  I don't know much about chakras except that they are energy centers in our body.  The sacral chakra is about feeling and sexuality and when the energy is flowing you are open to intimacy and passion.

Interesting timing.

The day after my massage, I had a first date.  I was unusually nervous that morning getting ready.  I couldn't stop shaking and I had no idea what was wrong with me.  I don't remember the last time I felt that way. So I headed off a bit early to meet my date...I just couldn't stay in the house any longer.

I'm not going to give you all the details of the date, just a few highlights.  We met at 1pm and parted ways around 9pm with plans already made to meet the next day.  We were both like giddy school kids.  The conversation was easy and the silences comfortable.  And the energy coursing through me never let up.  A brush of his hand against mine, and it just shot right through me.  That night I barely slept.  Logically none of it makes sense.  He says it magic and maybe that's it.

The next evening I talked to a friend who does energy work (he does more than that but its easier to say energy work) who explained that the energy I'm feeling is my chakras opening and the energy is flowing freely.  This immediately made sense to me especially after having my massage and thinking about my sacral chakra.  He gave me some great ideas on how to calm the energy enough to sleep, which helped immensely.

Now we're a couple days out from that first date and every time I get a text message or phone call, the energy intensifies...kind of like butterflies in your stomach but different.  I can't explain it and quite honestly I don't want to.  I'm getting used to this new way, this swirling energy, and I like this feeling.  I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying each moment.

I may not be writing much about the online dating world but I have a feeling I'm going to be writing about other more exciting things.  Stay tuned...

Back in the Swing...

IMG_0442 I have been way too quiet here.  I am planning to remedy that...if anyone is still reading.  I want, no, need to make a regular practice of writing so here goes.  A quick recap of the end of the year and then some things that are happening now.

During the holidays, well the month of December really, I went into a bit of a depression fueled by some anxiety that I didn't understand.  I was also in some physical pain and it got to the point that I just wanted to sit and cry all day.  Instead I decided to give acupuncture a try and it has made such a HUGE difference!  I am so grateful that it has helped me.  I think the holidays can be hard for alot of people and I wish I had written here during that time but I was deep in my muck.  Which, looking back, would have been the best time to write.

Now we're in the New Year...2013.  We're half way through January and I feel like I've made some significant shifts already.  I've been clearing out...literally cleaning out closets, getting rid of old stuff that I no longer wear or fits...still more to do but getting there slowly but surely.

I've also been clearing out emotional space.  I have let go of a couple of relationships that no longer serve me.  I didn't even realize they were taking up any emotional space until I let go and then felt a lightness.  Its amazing what we hold onto physically and emotionally without even realizing it.

Now on to the fun stuff.  One of my dear friends called me on a Thursday around 3pm, hopped on a plan and was here a mere 5 hours later.  We had a great visit and it made me realize I need to be more spontaneous.  She left on Sunday and Monday morning I signed up for an online dating site.  Just jumped right in.  What does one have to do with the other...oh it was a topic of conversation over the weekend so when she left I decided to just DO IT!

I have been pretty much alone the last 2 years and I feel like I've need that time to become comfortable alone.  I am now and I actually like being alone and am no longer in the space where I feel like I need a relationship but I would like to share time with someone.  So...in this technological age, I asked a couple of friends which site is working for them, and I signed up.  Its been an interesting process so far.  I've gone into this with no expectations which makes it so much easier.  There have been some pretty amusing emails, messages, etc.  I am thinking about a blog series about it...I just need to figure out how to share some of these messages without sharing too much personal information.

Well that's a longer post than I had planned but there's a lot to say.  I will be back with my word of the year and hopefully some great stories from the world of online dating.  Until then...tell me what you've been up to.  I've missed it here...hopefully you have too!

Gratitude Week - Day 2

Today, I am grateful for:

  • that moment, first thing in the morning, when I wake up, before getting out of bed to start the day
  • raking leaves in the nice warm weather yesterday (even if leaves keep falling), instead of in the cold today
  • a warm blanket and hot cup of tea on this cold rainy day
  • Whole Foods hot food bar ~ so I didn't have to cook dinner
  • Allie crawling in my lap as I'm typing this post

What are you grateful for today?

Gratitude Week - Day 1

I am joining Michelle in her Gratitude Week. Today, I am grateful...

  • for a quiet Monday morning with no appointments and no need to rush out the door
  • for a warm sunny day in November
  • that my dear friend who had surgery on Friday was moved out of ICU today
  • for the Sunday crossword that lasts me a couple of days
  • for dark chocolate with sea salt
  • for this day and this moment.

Want to join in?  Post to your blog, share it on Facebook or don't share it at all, but write it in your journal just for you.

Gratitude - Week 2

This has been an emotional roller coaster week.  I have tried to focus on the good things each day, some days its easier than others.

With that said...

  • My brother John has been gone a long time...this year his birthday was particularly emotional for me.  I'm grateful for the time we had together in this life and I'm grateful for the times I feel him near me now.
  • I'm grateful for friends who rally around another friend, that they don't even know, lighting candles, saying prayers and sending out positive energy
  • I'm grateful for a dear friend who came through a major surgery and has the best attitude
  • I'm grateful for text message shenanigans
  • I'm grateful for warm, sunny days in November
  • I'm grateful for long naps instead of doing yard work
  • I'm grateful that the election is over and I don't have to here anymore political ads
  • I'm grateful for Sunday afternoons with nowhere to be

What are you grateful for?

I will be joining Michelle tomorrow for Gratitude Week 2012.  Want to join in too?

The Truth is...

While there have been subtle and not so subtle shifts in my life.  And while I am more comfortable in my own skin, the truth is...

There are some days when I don't work out

I still watch Days of Our Lives...just now on hulu

Sometimes dinner is the jar of almond butter with a spoon

I will leave clothes in the dryer and just pull them out as needed...for days (ok, weeks)

I'll leave dishes in the sink overnight or all day

While I try to be present in each moment, I do think about the past and wonder 'what if?'

Even though I enjoy my solitude, some nights I'd like to come home to someone who I can cuddle with on the couch, who is not my cat

Somedays its not 'all good'

I know that I can't fix things for you but dammit I really really wish I could

I'm not sure what my passion is and I'm really trying to figure that out

I spend more money than I make and sometimes it stresses me out but I don't normally let on that it does

Sometimes I curl up on the couch and watch tv for hours

And somedays, I don't leave my house, don't talk to anyone, don't even get out of my pjs.

The truth is...life is not all sunshine and roses...sometimes its weeds and rain.  But I believe that it is all exactly as it is supposed to be...the good, the bad, the ugly.  The truth is...I don't think I'd change any bit of it.

EASE

definition:  the state of being comfortable

a. freedom from pain or discomfort b. freedom from care c. freedom from labor or difficulty d. freedom from embarrassment or constraint

Over the past few years, I have not made resolutions but instead have focused on a word that encompasses what I want to bring to that new year.  Last year, I chose two words, Trust and Balance.  I worked a lot last year on trusting myself and others and bringing balance to my life.  I'm still working on both of those.

This year when thinking of a word, I pondered a few but the one that stuck with me and kept playing over and over again in my head is EASE.  Not Easy as in I want my life to be easy but Ease as in quit fighting so hard.  Ease on down the road...don't make things harder then they need to be.

We will see what 2012 holds for all of us.  I think its going to be a good year indeed.  And I hope that all of you incorporate some EASE into your life too.

Slowing it down a bit

This is Allie post-surgery wearing her collar.  You should have seen the first collar they gave us, it was 2.5" bigger than this one.  Poor thing couldn't do anything in it.  This one keeps her from licking her incision but she can still function fairly normally.

Last Wednesday, I discovered blood in Allie's urine which would be the 3rd time that's happened.  The first two times we treated her with antibiotics and she was better for a little while.  This time, my vet suggested x-rays to see if she had stones in her bladder.  Sure enough that's what it was and they were able to take her in for surgery on Friday.  Now I did not want to go the surgery route but looking at months of pain if we tried to dissolve it by changing her diet versus a week of discomfort, I did what I thought was best.  And once I saw the stone they removed, I was glad we went this route...it was huge!

Allie's surgery has slowed us both down a bit.  All my plans for the weekend were immediately cancelled and the two of us have cozied up at home for a bit of rest and recovery.  There are so many things that need to get done, shopping for Christmas gifts, getting ready for my trip to LA, but there is nothing more important right now that making sure Allie gets better.  Yes, I am still leaving for LA on Wednesday but by then she should almost be done with her meds and feeling close to normal.  Lucky for me I have the best cat sitters in the world, Zoe & Bob, who will take great care of her...even though I do feel guilty for leaving.

If you had asked me seven years ago, if I would ever think of a pet like my family, I probably would have said, are you nuts?  I grew up with pets who would arrive one day and be gone a short time later so I never had that bond.  When my friends would talk about their pets and what they would do for them, I didn't get it.  I thought they were a bit crazy, but now, I'm part of that group.  One of those people who treats their pet like their child.  Yup that's me...one of the crazy ones...and I wouldn't trade if for anything.

Weighty Issues

Its a bit difficult to post this picture above as it was taken 6 years ago at almost my heaviest weight (yes I was actually a little heavier than this).  I have always struggled with my weight which is why it was such a huge accomplishment to complete my Pilates training.

Today I had my annual physical and I have gained about 13 pounds over the last year and my cholesterol was a bit above normal.  I am not near my heaviest weight (or my highest cholesterol number), but still I need to lose the weight.  I've already got the exercise part pretty much down, the eating part is where I need to focus.  Working out and eating properly are the only way I will lose weight.

As soon as the doctor sat down with me today I knew what she was going to say.  She didn't even have to say it, just gave me that look and said you know what you need to do.  I know exactly what I need to do, stop eating out so much and watch the bread and sugar.  Its easy in theory but man I love food so its difficult in practice.

At this point in my life, its not about fitting into a certain size, its about being healthy.  High blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes all run in my family so I know I need to be careful.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about my weight issues and that picture, oh my.  In posting about it, I'm opening myself up to criticism and judgements BUT by putting it out there I must now hold myself accountable to get back to a more healthy weight and lower my cholesterol.

I'm going to start a "detox" tomorrow and not one of those lemon water/starvation ones, I can eat real food but cut out bread, sugar, coffee, alcohol and red meat for a week.  Its a doable plan for me and I know if will kick start me to eating better.

I will be updating periodically here on my progress.  Not sure I'll be posting pounds lost on a regular basis but we'll see how the updates pan out.  And if anyone else out there needs a little nudge or support to get healthier, we can start our own little support group.

The Crash

The Crash, its inevitable really. Spending a week away by the sea with amazing women, laughing so hard your face hurts,  dancing in the kitchen, relaxing in the sand, soaking in the hot tub staring at the stars, doing yoga, writing, journeying, creating, being completely at peace.

Coming home on a high only to crash and burn a few days later.  I've been doing retreats for several years now and most of the time I come home and can easily get back into the groove (except that first year at Squam, that was a doozy).  This time around, I'm having a bit more difficulty.

I want the face to face connections, the laughter and tears, right here, right now.  I need that community on a more regular basis.  The Facebook chats and text messages, even the phone calls, they just aren't a good substitute for the face to face connection.  I guess there is Skype so we can "see" each other but really how do we get more face time with our friends scattered across the globe?

Can someone please purchase a plane that will be at our beck and call whenever needed?  I think that would really help us out...well unless there's a plot of land somewhere where we could start a commune...that would work too.  Any other suggestions?

Soul-Filled

Serendipity ~ Good Fortune. Luck. Returning from a retreat like Serendipity, people ask me if I had a good time and want me to tell them all about the retreat.  Its so hard to put into words what time with amazing, beautiful, talented, inspiring women is like.  Women who do not judge, who hold your hand, look deep into your eyes and SEE you.  Women who make you think about things in a different way.  Women who make you see things about yourself that maybe you missed.  Women who howl at the moon.  Women who are pure Love.  Women who make you laugh and smile just by walking into a room.

A room filled with women in deep conversations, dancing around the island, singing at the top of their lungs, laughing big huge belly laughs, shedding tears, giving hugs, opening up in the best possible ways.

This is the only way I know how to share about this gathering of women.  These are my soul sisters* and I can't imagine my life without them.

*a few don't have blogs to link to but you are in this group too...Jess, Nikki, Karen, you know who you are!

Ten Years

Today is a day we will all remember.  I, along with most of you, will never forget where I was on this fateful day.  I don't know about you but I can't believe its been 10 years.  As I reflect on this day, I look back at the past 10 years and what has happened in my life.

  • I got divorced
  • I moved from PA to NC
  • I moved to 6 different homes
  • I've changed careers, twice
  • I've had 4 serious relationships (including my failed marriage)
  • I've attended 5 art retreats
  • I've adopted a cat
  • I've made many new friends all over the world
  • I've watched my brother Scott graduate from high school then college, my sister Kate go off to college, and my brother Michael (pictured above at age 5) outwit me more times than I care to admit.
  • I've traveled to Alaska and Italy and Costa Rica and Bahamas and California, New Mexico, Arizona, Maine, New Hampshire and many other fun places
  • I've been to New York many times, including one trip I will never forget in October 2001
  • I've been to see U2 several times and Eric Clapton, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, Elton John & Billy Joel, Leonard Cohen, Pink Martini, and many more.

Needless to say, a lot has happened!

On this September 11, 2011, while I think about the terrible losses suffered by so many on this day 10 years ago, I also reflect on all of the amazing things that have happened in my life since that day.  This isn't to say I will ever forget what happened (as I'm sure you won't either), but life moves forward and we move forward.  I am looking forward to the next 10 years and wonder what I will be reflecting on this day in 2021.  Until then, I will strive to BE in this moment on this day and in each moment moving forward.

Fresh Start

I have been a bit quiet here lately.  Its not because I don't have a lot to say but I am having a hard time getting my thoughts down on paper. Today is a new day, a new month and don't you feel like every First of a month gives you permission to start fresh.  Its like you have a clean slate.  I typically feel that way about each new day but even more so with each new month.

My goal is to write here on a more regular basis even if I don't have anything profound to share.  I just need to give myself permission to write what I'm thinking even if all my thoughts aren't complete...or dare I say "perfect".  So I vow to show up here more this month.

Are you ready for a fresh start today?  What will you give yourself permission to do?