Dealing with chronic pain over the last year has been eye opening for me. It has made me more patient, more empathetic and a better teacher. I have learned how many people suffer with some sort of physical pain every day and do so without a bit of complaining.
Over the years, I was really good at keeping my feelings inside for fear of burdening anyone else. When my brother died, my parents were concerned because I wasn't sharing my feelings with them, they didn't see me cry. I got really good at stuffing down my feelings until they exploded in one moment. When I announced I was getting divorced, everyone was shocked because I was really good at keeping my feelings hidden, no one had a clue anything was amiss. Slowly, over time, I've gotten better about sharing. Maybe its age, maybe its a lot of hard lessons, or maybe its the people in my life. I think its a combination of all of these things. I'm no longer afraid to share feelings for fear of burdening people because they want to listen, they want to help. How do I know this? Because I want to do that for other people and I have an amazing group of friends who are always there. Are there times when I worry if they really want to hear me cry anymore over my breakup or cry about the chronic pain, of course I do. But I am getting better at sharing in spite of my fears.
Even here on this blog, I've shared things I'm planning on doing and then turned around later and changed my mind. Last post, I told you I was planning to have surgery to get rid of the herniated disc in my back. I was convinced that was the only solution for me. Last week, I changed my mind. I'm trying a different route and if that doesn't work, surgery can always be rescheduled.
What I've learned about sharing stories, feelings, pain, is that there is someone out there who can relate in some way. I always wonder if people think I'm crazy or annoying but it doesn't stop me from sharing anymore. They will always think what they want but by sharing my stories, my feelings, my pain, I may be helping someone else who is too afraid to share. I know for sure that I'm helping myself by sharing. I'm no longer suffering silently. I'm actually not suffering at all because the more I talk about it, the more free I feel, if that makes sense. I'm no longer stuffing my feelings down creating more internal strife.
I guess the point of this post was to let you know you are not alone, you don't have to suffer in silence, you can share your feelings, your fears, your pain and there is always someone willing to listen.